The Intrusive Self

I was debating as to whether this should be its own dedicated spotlight post. But I’m thinking I’m very prone to rambling with this one. But I’m thinking at the moment at how intrusive our mind, our-selves can be. It’s a funny statement and even more humourous when you start to think about how you aren’t fully in control of yourself, as much you think you are.

This is by no means an idea I have arrived at independently or originally mine. Far from it. But it is something that once you are told about like you are being told now by me. You will recognise it much more in your life. You will find that you think through an issue with yourself, set out plans, talking to yourself around to how you should do this or that. Your self listens and nods along patiently. Then just when you need to be in control most, it decides that is the perfect time to release a multitude of emotions affecting you in ways you certainly don’t want. That’s not good, it may sound like I’m just someone ever so slightly emotionally imbalanced. Maybe I am ah-ha. But I do find it an interesting thing to think about as to how you have to literally drag this primal inner you to its feet, wash it as it spits the water back at you and then dress it appropriately while it kicks and taunts.

It’s strange why these kinds of thoughts consume me. I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to find a way to relax more. I find myself living in my work at the moment and while this isn’t working at times my reviews feel more like an obligation more than fun. Just FYI I’m very much enjoying these blogs, it’s why I’m writing so bloody much of them. But I’m having a serious lack of downtime. These are things you learn about yourself when you push yourself in new areas. Your body is as much a separate thing as your self is. Thinking about it, I’ve sort of externalised my self as this writing process aha. But back to the real matter at hand! I want to relax more but I also need to coax myself into working with me. How do we achieve this?

Good news is, I have done this before. Many people learn this but I’m quite proud that I arrived at it independently two years ago. Where and what is this? Well, the first is at rock bottom, you need to hit your lowest low to learn this lesson. And what it is, is the ability to visualise a goal for your life, somewhere you want to be – far off in the distance you can see yourself. A visage of the person you want to be…and then you take the smallest step. In that direction and you keep going, you take that step every day until one day – you’re there.

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