I find myself having to apologise a lot when I come back to writing. I just feel like I’ve been a neglectful partner who hasn’t shown my passion, my site and my hobby much attention for weeks or even months.
But here I am reminding myself of how easy this can really be and untime consuming. I think as someone who doesn’t find putting himself out there the easiest thing in the world. I often feel like if what I’m writing is not near perfection I’m a failure. Often with my reviews, I will put them out thinking “that one sucked but I cannot bare to look at it a moment longer” – but I know full well that every writer has their stinkers every now and then. Certainly, someone as amateur as me is going to find himself unsatisfied with what I’m putting out into the world.
But with this post, I’m trying to get back into the habit of understanding that not everything needs to be a biblical passage ready for Noah to take down the mountain to some devout followers. Because it couldn’t be further from the truth, in fact, more often than not I’m writing for my own egotistical psychiatry sessions. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. So, where have I been exactly? I’ve been somewhat lost in the world, finding myself clutching for a goal, an aim or something to chase while distractions of good and bad sway me from pillar to post. But sometimes taking time off – properly. Relaxing, reflecting and just enjoying simplicity, spending time in the mundane and taking yourself away from the pressures of the world and your own dictatorship is the most rewarding time of all. I’m finding myself, clearer, happier and looking at my paths and deciding with more focus on what I should be aiming for.
Perhaps a pessimistic view and sounding somewhat jaded. But it really is worth reminding yourself that you are taking care of you, you must drive yourself forward and steer your own destiny. You are alone in the strictest sense of the word. So do not lean or rely on the world to look after you. Sure many good samaritans may well offer an olive branch and by all means you can ask for help. But sometimes you must understand that everyone sees the world through their own bias. They can be compassionate but in the end they cannot fully see your story or be compassionate towards it as they have to survive themselves. That really does sound like I’m utterly jaded with life, doesn’t it?
I assure you I’m looking towards the sun and bliss of spring and the summer to come and I’m following the sun….peace.