“I’m going to try writing more”
Thirteen weeks later…
Yikes. Well, I’m back.
That was certainly a break and a half from writing, especially when I thought lockdown would be making me write more during the ensuing boredom. But actually, it has had the opposite effect, there’s been nothing to write about! I’ve still been working of course and there hasn’t really been a lockdown as such for me personally. I could have written about my experience week to week but I didn’t see much flavour or use in it other than repetitive moaning. Instead, I’ve compiled my collective urge to moan and I’m going to tell you about it now, happy? 🙂
Lockdown, for three weeks, then a few more and then a few more. Is it even over, there’s been no official statement to say “By the way, it’s over now” but for me, it was over from the get-go. Remaining in work has not changed anything for me during this whole process, of course, I respected it but what I have seen is hundreds of people simply not listening. It’s actually interesting thinking back on it now as I can see the shifting emotional states that it has caused, first – great anger. People didn’t care, they wanted expedient release and gratification in whatever form it was allowed, so lockdown didn’t matter, the crisis of a worldwide pandemic that was potentially lethal matter little compared to just being able to do something. Anything. After this initial process, it slowly became apparent that people either used the pandemic as an excuse or ignore it completely. So I stopped caring, just pushing on day by day and trying not to get swept up in all the hysteria.
Very quickly any major concerns faded and while measures were still in place and people still respected them enough to acknowledge them at least, it was still very apparent that lockdown was over before it started. So what have I been doing while its all been going on, simply just being and doing my best to fight the tide of isolating nausea or cabin fever if you will. To which I actually found myself experience somewhat, the lockdown, even when leaving the house for work did actually affect my mental state and the way I processed emotions. Making me heated up about silly and insignificant things, making me regress to previous thought patterns and behaviours. I quickly nipped that in the bud and tried to fight against it.
Thankfully some sense of normality is actually kicking back in and going outside doesn’t feel like you’re breaking some kind of law. I feel well again. I feel like I want to write again, most importantly I feel like me. My city centre effectively got the green light a couple days ago on reopening in a sense, so I ventured in. That turned into a weird sort of trip into a world where my city was far less populated and apparently economically ruined as 95% of shops were not open but what was open? Doughnut shops, the Apple store and some mismatch clothing stores. Not much to make you feel like things have gone back to normal but enough of a reassuring hand on the shoulder to say “we’re okay”
For now, this is all I wanted to speak out onto the site, break the ice with you all and hopefully get back into a rhythm. Especially with cinemas opening soon and some other things I’ve been up to that I want to write some pieces about my experience. We will get to those! (I swear) but that is it for now. I sincerely hope you’ve all been well and are feeling as though the day is dawning for 2020 once again. I’ll see you out there, peace.