The cold glow of the moon suffocates you with melancholy, nostalgia, a special kind of sadness. I remember when I was younger and naive to the harshness of the world, I’d sit up late at night and play the local radio through my phone. I’d stare up at the sky and the darkness surrounding the trees and wonder what the future holds for me. Would I find love, true and deep. Would I find success, lasting and full. Would I find passion, strong and burning. The answer can seem depressing. Life is a series of miseries. Perhaps sitting here in front of a computer screen shrouded in darkness, is mimicking that same sadness of the moon. Except now I’m not so much filled with dreams of what could be and rather stewing in the sadness of what has not come to pass. Broken dreams.
John Lennon dreamed, of love, of success, of peace and prosperity. They called him a dreamer. Yet I’d be labeled naive. I hope my tongue in cheek was not lost on you as I was writing that. I smirk but I feel sad for the lost dreams of that boy staring out the window thinking about the life he wanted, of what the world could be. I want to weep for the reality of the pain and sorrow I’ve felt. It’s a fine line feeling sorry for yourself, perhaps putting it into words is what makes me feel stupid as though I’m trying to hug myself. But in the late hour sometimes a bit of melancholy is just what the doctor ordered.
Normally I wouldn’t allow such thoughts to manifest themselves on this site as I like to encourage and talk about how best to move forward. As I have done numerous times and I’m demanding of myself again. But moving forward without contemplation of what you’re leaving behind is not moving forward at all. Is it truly better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Did Shakespeare ever stop to consider the possibility that the love in question was fake? A lie so profoundly staged Shakespeare might as well have wrote it as a play, in true Romeo and Juliet fashion its waking up to find your love dead, so naturally – drink the poison. Then you sit back and begin to realise, perhaps you had a part to play in all this too, yes you’ve been hurt but perhaps you have hurt also.
Relationships between humans are never clean. They aren’t all the triumphs you see on screen. It’s getting late and I want to drift away. I hope I haven’t depressed you too much dear reader. But I hope it has given you some inspiration to look up at the moon and indulge yourself in some reflection, as I have done tonight. As I will continue to do, every night we try to piece together more of the puzzle that is our lives, we’re getting closer every day.